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Some advice for regret and anxiety

B

Bigcheese

member
I'll try to keep this brief. I started balding as a teenager, ended up having 2 strip procedures at a very young age which I immediately regretted. Fast forward 20 years, finasteride seems to be effective for me, my hair seems the same at 40 as after my 2nd procedure at 23. I would say it looks natural, however I would prefer to wear it a bit shorter. Here's the issue, I still regret getting an HT. It causes me tons of anxiety. Even seeing someone with short clipped hair can trigger it as thats not an option for me and if would simplify my life. I have a different perspective on life now and it's not a decision I would ever make again or would have if I had been advised properly. Maybe I'm in the wrong place and I should be seeing a shrink, I'm just looking for some advice from someone who's been in a similar situation on how to accept the past and move on.
 
Bigmac

Bigmac

Administrator
Staff member
What do your FUT scars look like? It would be helpful if we could see them.
At what age did you have your first HT?
It`s good that Finasteride has maintained your hair and hopefully it will continue to do so.
How short can you cut your hair without the scars being visible?
I have FUT scars that are visible if I cut my hair too short. They don`t bother me so much these days but I can understand people being anxious especially if the scars are stretched.
 
B

Bigcheese

member
What do your FUT scars look like? It would be helpful if we could see them.
At what age did you have your first HT?
It`s good that Finasteride has maintained your hair and hopefully it will continue to do so.
How short can you cut your hair without the scars being visible?
I have FUT scars that are visible if I cut my hair too short. They don`t bother me so much these days but I can understand people being anxious especially if the scars are stretched.
Thanks for the reply. I got my first HT at 19. Its a smiley scar, lower than they would do now with the straight low part being the widest. I haven't clipped my hair in awhile, I would say maybe a #4 guard and it becomes sort of visible. I get my barber to scissor my hair short, the downside is I pretty much have to go every 2 weeks to look good. I'll send some pics after my next cut. I just check in on these sites periodically for any updates, but I find it's best for my mental health if I just forget about my hair as much as possible. Ironically, I could have hair like this into my 80s who's to know what the future holds. Worst case scenario I think I could be happy bald with a #3 guard clip, if the scar could be broken up a bit and didn't draw much attention.
 
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Bigmac

Bigmac

Administrator
Staff member
Pictures would be a big help to get a clearer idea what you’re dealing with.
Have you considered having some grafts placed in the scars via FUE? There’s SMP too that will allow a low buzz cut but has to be topped up every few years.
 
B

Bigcheese

member
Pictures would be a big help to get a clearer idea what you’re dealing with.
Have you considered having some grafts placed in the scars via FUE? There’s SMP too that will allow a low buzz cut but has to be topped up every few years.
I have thought about fue into the scar, I'm just not sure if I should just wait and see if I lose more hair because I can definitely live with what I have now. If they invented affordable hair cloning today, I wouldn't even get it at the moment but it would relieve such a burden for me knowing that my future is going to be OK. Anyways, thanks for the help, I will post some pics next week.
 
Bigmac

Bigmac

Administrator
Staff member
You could add beard hair into the scars. I had that done, it worked well and obviously doesn’t use up precious scalp grafts.
I`ll look forward to seeing the pictures.
 
B

Bigcheese

member
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B

Bigcheese

member
As promised here are some pics. I need frequent hair cuts to look decent because the back looks grown out quickly due to the length I have to keep it. I've been lucky though, I would say I was about as bald as Jude Law currently is when I got an HT 21 years ago.
 
Kevboy

Kevboy

Valued member
Your hair looks brilliant. Having surgery 20 years ago plus at nineteen and in your early twenties has proven successful. Where did you have them done?
 
S

Salazar

member
I still regret getting an HT
Do you regret the hair transplant itself, or only that you underwent FUT rather than FUE? (Although if you needed a large number of grafts, FUE might not have been an option.) Are you saying that you would have preferred to live with your previous state of loss rather than your present head of hair?
 
B

Bigcheese

member
Your hair looks brilliant. Having surgery 20 years ago plus at nineteen and in your early twenties has proven successful. Where did you have them done?
Thanks. I don't really want to name the clinic because I wasn't satisfied with the information I was given and how quickly I was sweet talked into surgery
 
Kevboy

Kevboy

Valued member
It was good work though if you looked like Jude law. His loss is extensive and you have went through your younger life with a good look. How many grafts were the two surgeries?
 
B

Bigcheese

member
Do you regret the hair transplant itself, or only that you underwent FUT rather than FUE? (Although if you needed a large number of grafts, FUE might not have been an option.) Are you saying that you would have preferred to live with your previous state of loss rather than your present head of hair?
I regret getting one altogether. FUE would have been a safer option but it's just not a lifestyle commitment I fully understood at the time and I think it's incredibly reckless giving a teenager an HT because #1 they are probably headed for NW6 and # 2 balding is pretty new to them and they haven't had time to accept it and # 3 are still at an age to make impulsive decisions. Strange that I could be a success story for this company but I'm still not happy. I realize im lucky though, don't get me wrong.
 
B

Bigcheese

member
It was good work though if you looked like Jude law. His loss is extensive and you have went through your younger life with a good look. How many grafts were the two surgeries?
If I remember correctly just over 3000. I never forget to take my vitamin F in the morning ; )
 
Kevboy

Kevboy

Valued member
3000 sounds about right when I look at Jude Law. Only a handful of clinics were able to do FUE 20 years ago, strips were the main surgery. You did get lucky by holding onto you hair, most likely the fin. Like BM suggested before you could get some beard grafts put in your scars but your donor looks good enough to supply enough. What’s the scar like if you lift your hair up?
I was going to have a ht but decided to stay with fin only for as long as possible.
 
B

Bigcheese

member
3000 sounds about right when I look at Jude Law. Only a handful of clinics were able to do FUE 20 years ago, strips were the main surgery. You did get lucky by holding onto you hair, most likely the fin. Like BM suggested before you could get some beard grafts put in your scars but your donor looks good enough to supply enough. What’s the scar like if you lift your hair up?
I was going to have a ht but decided to stay with fin only for as long as possible.
The scar isn't great, the lower part in particular is fairly wide. I think at a #4 clip the upper part is still hidden but the straight lower part is fairly visible. I've debated getting FUE into the scar to see if it helps but I think I'll wait and see if I ever lose more hair. Some greasy Dr would probably talk me into throwing a few thousand grafts into my hairline.
 
S

Salazar

member
how quickly I was sweet talked into surgery
I was nearly talked into FUT a few years ago by a well-respected clinic. It's not that I doubt that they would have done a good job but, as my goal in having the surgery was to be able to wear my hair short again, I likely would have had problems with linear scarring. However, the clinic never bothered to ascertain my goals, and I was too naive at the time to know any better. Fortunately, for reasons that I won't go into, I ended up postponing things.

I regret getting one altogether.
I'm sorry if I'm being a bit dense, but just to clarify: are you completely opposed to surgery, or do you simply wish that you had waited until you were older before going ahead?

lifestyle commitment
What do you mean?
 
B

Bigcheese

member
I was nearly talked into FUT a few years ago by a well-respected clinic. It's not that I doubt that they would have done a good job but, as my goal in having the surgery was to be able to wear my hair short again, I likely would have had problems with linear scarring. However, the clinic never bothered to ascertain my goals, and I was too naive at the time to know any better. Fortunately, for reasons that I won't go into, I ended up postponing things.


I'm sorry if I'm being a bit dense, but just to clarify: are you completely opposed to surgery, or do you simply wish that you had waited until you were older before going ahead?


What do you mean?
I agree about them not understanding each client. I wouldn't expect them to read minds, they are salesmen after all but at least weigh the pros and cons with each client specific to their goals.

I wouldn't get one at all. I clipped my hair pretty short for a few years after my first HT and I was happy with the look (apart from my scar) and the low maintenance.

When I say lifestyle I am referring to taking fin, checking up on these boards for updates, worrying about the future, about every time at the barber if he's cut my hair too short etc. I mean I've actually researched if pubic hair can be used for FUE smh, I'm pretty sure that's not something I'd be dealing with if I just clipped my hair down from the get go like an uglier Jason Statham.
 
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S

Salazar

member
I wouldn't expect them to read minds
No, agreed. But they should at least ask what it is that I'm hoping to achieve, if only to assess whether surgery is a viable solution. Given the reputation of the clinic, I expected better.

When I say lifestyle I am referring to taking fin, checking up on these boards for updates, worrying about the future
I do all of these things and I haven't had surgery. I truly wish that I could accept my hair loss, but I've yet to do so (despite the better part of a decade being miserable about it.) The only thing that has kept me from going down the surgery route is my fear of FUE scars; in particular, my not knowing how visible they might be (that is without actually having the surgery, which, if I'm unhappy, is irreversible.)

I'm pretty sure that's not something I'd be dealing with if I just clipped my hair down from the get go like an uglier Jason Statham.
As I said, I've yet to achieve acceptance. In theory, it is the best option, but sadly (in my case at least) it is not easy to reach.

Still, I appreciate you posting an alternative perspective. Most people who have had surgery are either happy that it was a success or miserable that it was a failure. There's little discussion of what happens when the surgery is successful, yet the wider consequences of undergoing a procedure still leave the patient regretting the decision. I wish you all the best.
 
B

Bigcheese

member
No, agreed. But they should at least ask what it is that I'm hoping to achieve, if only to assess whether surgery is a viable solution. Given the reputation of the clinic, I expected better.


I do all of these things and I haven't had surgery. I truly wish that I could accept my hair loss, but I've yet to do so (despite the better part of a decade being miserable about it.) The only thing that has kept me from going down the surgery route is my fear of FUE scars; in particular, my not knowing how visible they might be (that is without actually having the surgery, which, if I'm unhappy, is irreversible.)


As I said, I've yet to achieve acceptance. In theory, it is the best option, but sadly (in my case at least) it is not easy to reach.

Still, I appreciate you posting an alternative perspective. Most people who have had surgery are either happy that it was a success or miserable that it was a failure. There's little discussion of what happens when the surgery is successful, yet the wider consequences of undergoing a procedure still leave the patient regretting the decision. I wish you all the best.
Fair enough man. Remember that life is short and if you can find happiness and acceptance that is far more important than how you might look. I have deep regrets about my late teens/early 20s for missing out on so much life due to my obsession over my hair. It's so easy in hindsite to say I should have shrugged it off, but I'm pretty happy now, and I while I still have my moments I really try to focus on the more important things in life. I wish you luck.
 
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