Hair transplant - support (or lack of) from loved ones

[Ronnie]

Hi all

I am interested to hear the reactions that other forum members have had from loved ones in relation to having a hair transplant, or just their hair loss journey in general.

I am quite early in my journey towards having a hair transplant. I commenced taking Finasteride and Minoxidil (plus weekly Microneedling) on January 1st 2022,, but already the subject of hair and hair transplants in particular is pretty much a taboo subject in our house. I’m going to give the meds a year to have any impact first but even that causes disagreements……….for me waiting a year means taking meds for a year, but researching in the meantime and likely having a consultation around the middle of the year, with a view to undergoing surgery around January 2023. As far as my wife is concerned though, waiting a year means taking the meds for a year and doing literally nothing else until next January!

You can guess already that my wife is very much not in favour of me having a transplant. I should state from the outset that we have a good, honest relationship, but her attitude to all this is very much that of someone that hasn’t experienced hair loss. I’ve read on this forum many times that people that haven’t suffered hair loss tend to not think it’s a big deal and to just ‘get over it’ and that’s very much her attitude. Annoyingly she has been the most vocal person about my hair loss over the years. As it has progressed I’ve gone down the route of taking my hair shorter and shorter and this has led to multiple arguments. She favours the alternative approach of allowing the remaining hair to grow longer than before and my response to this of “I don’t want to look like Bobby Charlton” has fallen on deaf ears. She has gone as far as to say “I don’t find bald men attractive” which obviously hits quite the nerve for a balding man, though she does then counter this by saying she still finds me attractive. Good to know that despite repulsing the rest of society, my wife still thinks I’m OK!

During our main chat about this she voiced her fears about surgery and what this then means going forward and she thinks I should just accept my balding and ‘live with it’. I’ve tried to get her to empathise by asking “how would you feel if I took the clippers to your head and created massive bald patches?” and more specifically “if half your hair fell out and there was a procedure to fix it, would you not wish to go through with it, or would you just choose to go around for the rest of your life with your head a mess?” but I didn’t get much in the way of a reaction.

My main frustration is that this is a big deal for me but is a massive taboo subject with the person with whom I am closest. Her reaction reinforces my own insecurities that play on me………basically that I’m being silly spending my time thinking about this. I do wonder what for instance my Dad will think, being from an older generation and just generally being a no nonsense, ‘don’t talk about your feelings’ sort of guy. It’s annoying feeling isolated and being a member of this forum does help massively. I’m not terribly down about my hair loss, I’d describe it as more a general feeling of disappointment each time I catch sight of myself. I could just ‘get on with life’ but then why not take steps to fix it and is making myself feel better about it really a bad thing, or a sign of weakness?

Probably the biggest battle I’m storing up is the likely cost. My wife doesn’t much like spending money at the best of times and I’ve already been given a broad steer that I could be looking at about £10k spread across 2 procedures. She is going to go batsh*t crazy when she hears such a figure!

As per thread title, just wondering what experience other members have had with reactions from loved ones? I would just reiterate that my wife isn’t a bad person at all, but she definitely lacks empathy with my situation which with her being the person closest to me is very frustrating. Other than her and this forum, the only other person I’ve shared my thoughts with is a work colleague that I get on well with, though we both work remotely in different locations in the UK so I may well never actually meet her. Her view is that “if it makes you happy, then go for it” which is very much the attitude I wish my wife would have!

Cheers

 

[loui]

Hi all

I am interested to hear the reactions that other forum members have had from loved ones in relation to having a hair transplant, or just their hair loss journey in general.

I am quite early in my journey towards having a hair transplant. I commenced taking Finasteride and Minoxidil (plus weekly Microneedling) on January 1st 2022,, but already the subject of hair and hair transplants in particular is pretty much a taboo subject in our house. I’m going to give the meds a year to have any impact first but even that causes disagreements……….for me waiting a year means taking meds for a year, but researching in the meantime and likely having a consultation around the middle of the year, with a view to undergoing surgery around January 2023. As far as my wife is concerned though, waiting a year means taking the meds for a year and doing literally nothing else until next January!

You can guess already that my wife is very much not in favour of me having a transplant. I should state from the outset that we have a good, honest relationship, but her attitude to all this is very much that of someone that hasn’t experienced hair loss. I’ve read on this forum many times that people that haven’t suffered hair loss tend to not think it’s a big deal and to just ‘get over it’ and that’s very much her attitude. Annoyingly she has been the most vocal person about my hair loss over the years. As it has progressed I’ve gone down the route of taking my hair shorter and shorter and this has led to multiple arguments. She favours the alternative approach of allowing the remaining hair to grow longer than before and my response to this of “I don’t want to look like Bobby Charlton” has fallen on deaf ears. She has gone as far as to say “I don’t find bald men attractive” which obviously hits quite the nerve for a balding man, though she does then counter this by saying she still finds me attractive. Good to know that despite repulsing the rest of society, my wife still thinks I’m OK!

During our main chat about this she voiced her fears about surgery and what this then means going forward and she thinks I should just accept my balding and ‘live with it’. I’ve tried to get her to empathise by asking “how would you feel if I took the clippers to your head and created massive bald patches?” and more specifically “if half your hair fell out and there was a procedure to fix it, would you not wish to go through with it, or would you just choose to go around for the rest of your life with your head a mess?” but I didn’t get much in the way of a reaction.

My main frustration is that this is a big deal for me but is a massive taboo subject with the person with whom I am closest. Her reaction reinforces my own insecurities that play on me………basically that I’m being silly spending my time thinking about this. I do wonder what for instance my Dad will think, being from an older generation and just generally being a no nonsense, ‘don’t talk about your feelings’ sort of guy. It’s annoying feeling isolated and being a member of this forum does help massively. I’m not terribly down about my hair loss, I’d describe it as more a general feeling of disappointment each time I catch sight of myself. I could just ‘get on with life’ but then why not take steps to fix it and is making myself feel better about it really a bad thing, or a sign of weakness?

Probably the biggest battle I’m storing up is the likely cost. My wife doesn’t much like spending money at the best of times and I’ve already been given a broad steer that I could be looking at about £10k spread across 2 procedures. She is going to go batsh*t crazy when she hears such a figure!

As per thread title, just wondering what experience other members have had with reactions from loved ones? I would just reiterate that my wife isn’t a bad person at all, but she definitely lacks empathy with my situation which with her being the person closest to me is very frustrating. Other than her and this forum, the only other person I’ve shared my thoughts with is a work colleague that I get on well with, though we both work remotely in different locations in the UK so I may well never actually meet her. Her view is that “if it makes you happy, then go for it” which is very much the attitude I wish my wife would have!

Cheers

Reactions from my friends and people I know have been positive and people are just curious.

My girlfriends reaction when I said I have booked a hair transplant was just, "I think you are fine, you dont need it."

She did not say anything else really, she was just a little bit worried when I was in Turkey by myself and got a surgery done.

I must say its weird what her reaction was, she says she dont find bald men attractive but you should not get a transplant?

 

[Bigmac]

Hi Ronnie. You’re certainly in a bit of a dilemma. Some guys are ok with hair loss but for others like us, we don’t want to be bald. Sure, some guys do look good bald but for others it’s a sign of aging, unattractiveness and causes insecurities. I think you need to explain to your wife that your hair loss makes you unhappy. She will respond by saying she loves you as you are etc etc and nothing needs to change but you’re wanting to do this for you. I dono t know if you watched the hair loss show on cable, it featured Dr Ball. The guys explain how their hair loss made them unhappy. Maybe you could watch it together to help her understand how you feel.
Being on the meds for a year is a good plan. Hopefully, you’ll see some positive gains. Taking this time to research clinics and the costs involved will put you in good stead when reaching this time next year. You do have quite a bit of loss but with good planning, you could achieve a nice non balding look. I like how @JesterRIP transplant is transforming his look.

My own experience. I’m going back to 1998. I was so miserable with my balding crown I had a surgery without any research (no internet then) and never told my partner. I just did it. She knew when I arrived home. At the time she was more intrigued than anything.
This surgery was a failure. I then went and had another with the same clinic. This was a failure too. I had an FUE surgery beginning of 2005 which failed.
I spent the following 3 years researching constantly. I made a lot of friends, people like me, some needing repair, others looking at their first surgery or meds. My partner was of the opinion that if I wanted to do it again, then do it. I wouldn’t say she was supportive, she just let me get on with it. Apart from her and my son, no one else knew I’d had these surgeries. I hid them well. I did my surgery for me.

Like your work colleague says, if it’s what will make you happy, then go for it. You could show your wife patient results on the forum. She obviously knows very little about hair transplants but if you could get some interest from her, she may begin to understand and be supportive.

 

[JesterRIP]

Hi @Ronnie

Wow! To echo what @digi23 and @Bigmac have said, what a dilemma! Scepticism over surgery but hitting you with the "bald men = unattractive" line is quite a pickle.

I've never really been insecure about my own hairline as it's something I've lived with for 30 years; having said that, whenever I've heard a woman say "I don't find bald men attractive" or words to that effect, I've died a little bit inside I must admit.

Part of me wants to just tell you to do what's right for *you*. We all want what's best for our loved ones, try our best to look out for them etc. But I've always thought when it comes do decisions in life which affect our own wellbeing, development, health etc - we make that decision and our family and friends support us. Not the other way around?

I'm very lucky I think - my partner met me as was - and she was more concerned with me doing something for myself. It's interesting though - talking to people beforehand the reactions were interesting. "Whatever are you doing that for?", "Why? You don't need it!", "lots of women find bald men attractive!", "just shave it off instead and grow old gracefully!"

I heard them all.

It never occurred to any of them I wasn't doing it to be more attractive. My head doesn't really suit the No.1 all over. And i have no intention of growing old gracefully. I'm going out like I came in - kicking and screaming

It also never occurred to them that I wasn't seeking their approval either. I'd already decided a long time ago I was going to do this. For me the reason it took so long is because there was always something more deserving of that kind of expenditure at the time (as I mention in my vids).

If it were me, I'd start behaving like the decision is already made and concentrate your efforts on educating her on how safe, straightforward and mainstream the procedure is these days. And how you'll look pretty much exactly the same as before to the point people you've known for 30 odd years won't even notice until you point it out (honestly this is true!)

Best of luck bud

 

[Kevboy]

No support for me but I have no partner. My mother seems to think it is not an issue because all the males on her side have lost their hair. The encouragement and support I get from here keeps me strong.